The Starvation of Mind.
When I thought of this title the night before, I had anticipated writing some moody piece of writing about starving my mind because of mindless scrolling. I feel better today though, so only part of this writing is about that.
The mind needs nourishment. It craves stimulation that provides the grounds for expanding your neural network. It doesn't want the dopamine quick hits you get from doom-scrolling. You have to think your mind is the thing that controls the flesh bag you're in, so of course you should treat that thing very nicely. Unfortunately while we are in an era of mental health, we are also in an era where corporations will do anything to destroy it. To file you down into this mindless brain-fogged being that makes you more susceptible to purchase their next product.
I have severe brainfog I will say. I hate it and am ashamed of it. I would like to say I'm a creative person, unfortunately I'm not the same ultra-creative I was before. Man I was writing daily and coming up with all these different ideas and concepts. I wanted to major in journalism I did it so often. I have over 70+ google docs from writing. Nowadays I feel like I'm desperately clinging to some form of stimulation. I hate staring at my phone for hours on end and feeling so unsatisfied doing so. But of course, the algorithm pushes on and sucks me in.
The first concept I've had in eons struck me a few days ago, and when I tell you I spent the entire weekend just thinking about it, drawing and writing down what I could. Fearful of the fact it may just slip out and be gone before I can come up with anything else. It was such a wonderful feeling having an original thought, but so terrifying that I was so afraid of it disappearing. The brainfog struck me beginning of last fall, and it's just been there. Looming over me and it has driven me to frustration and tears before. And I know what it means.
My brain is dying. It's starving for stimulation. It goes in hand with the fact I'm trying to carve out who I am and what hobbies I have/can do that don't involve staring at a screen. I have the arts. I have reading. Hell I have so many different mediums of art from painting to crafting with perler beads because I fluctuated so often in what I wanted to do when I was younger. It's all just a matter of participating in the activities. I want to do them. I want to be disconnected from my phone and enjoy life and expand my horizons.
Today I baked, a hobby that I have loved for years. Its the first time in a long while since the oven at my old place broke and my landlord refused to fix it. I made cookies, and tomorrow I'm gonna take them to work. I love to make things from my hands, and then getting to share it with people and have them love it is an incredible feeling as well. If I was more disciplined and more focused I'm sure I could turn the baking thing into a business. But I don't know if I'd still love it. Sometimes it's better to just leave hobbies as hobbies. There's no need to monetize everything you do, you have to have stuff you just enjoy for the sake of entertainment.
I wanna expand this hobby to cooking as well. I feel like I'm relearning and redoing my entire routine since I've graduated college. During college I was always busy and on the go so I got used to microwaving frozen meals all the time. So now I'm having to force myself to expand my horizons now that I actually have time to do things. That I can be calm, that all I have to worry about now is going to work. Not work, internship, and go to school fulltime all at once. And I think that shift from having no time to all the time in the world is what's fucking me up so bad. My brain was constantly doing constantly going so now that it doesn't *have* to do that it's confused. And trust me so am I.
“We are drowning in information, while starving for wisdom.”
― Unknown